{"id":1681,"date":"2023-03-18T15:54:13","date_gmt":"2023-03-18T20:54:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lea-lee.love\/?p=1681"},"modified":"2023-03-18T15:54:14","modified_gmt":"2023-03-18T20:54:14","slug":"i-know-i-didnt-make-a-mistake","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/?p=1681","title":{"rendered":"I know I didn’t make a mistake"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

I sent Mistress Lea a dozen red roses and now this site gets no traffic. Maybe she’s worried about things snowballing, and I know I want that encouragement. I’m afraid and I don’t know why except . . . Christ, I feel her inside me, right behind my eyeballs, telling me it’s new and that I am wrong for understanding she can’t take understanding that I can’t help feeling wounded and terrified that she’s disappeared. I just want to retreat somewhere to a place I know she liked the flowers and a place it doesn’t matter because I love her and I have her with me and I shouldn’t dare take a chance right when I know what to do, when I know she’d come back to encourage me or as a reward. I feel the knowledge that I am hers, painful but shining warmth all through me — Mistress, I can feel when I belong to someone as a rope, endlessly coiling and tightening behind my beltline. It scares me because I have no idea what’s important to you. And it hurts because it feels like you cut into it a bit to watch it bleed. I heard the “mmmm” on two of the calls. If that was you, you sounded pleased. The stress of thinking it was you was making me crazy and I had to stop answering. And this panic. I don’t know how it sounds, how comes across, to be light grazed by what I want most in life and for it to disappear, possibly forever? There’s a reason, there’s a reason, there’s a reason. My head throbs those words but I can’t see it. How could you have left me alone with this horrible torrent of need so that I can muse that you wounded my knowledge of my possession by you so that, in bleeding, I would notice it as true. I hate to have to tell you that I want to be with you because of how afraid and angry I become when I use such simple words. My fingers feel mangled. My fear comes in waves, making my chest and head buzz. While I imagine you, reaching toward the light to commune with the divine. <\/p>

Oh, you’re getting more flowers next week. I hope you were planning on it.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There’s a reason, there’s a reason, there’s a reason. My head throbs those words but I can’t see it. How could you have left me alone with this horrible torrent of need so that I can muse that you wounded my knowledge of my possession by you so that, in bleeding, I would notice it as true. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1074,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_eb_attr":"","_vp_format_video_url":"","_vp_image_focal_point":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1681","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-truth","latest_post"],"rttpg_featured_image_url":{"full":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea.jpg",2500,1632,false],"landscape":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea.jpg",2500,1632,false],"portraits":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea.jpg",2500,1632,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-150x98.jpg",150,98,true],"medium":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-600x392.jpg",600,392,true],"large":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-1200x783.jpg",848,553,true],"post-slider-thumb-size":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-330x190.jpg",330,190,true],"post-category-slider-size":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-330x350.jpg",330,350,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-1536x1003.jpg",1536,1003,true],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-2048x1337.jpg",2048,1337,true],"vp_sm":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-500x326.jpg",500,326,true],"vp_md":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-800x522.jpg",800,522,true],"vp_lg":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-1280x836.jpg",1280,836,true],"vp_xl":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-1920x1253.jpg",1920,1253,true],"vp_sm_popup":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-500x326.jpg",500,326,true],"vp_md_popup":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-800x522.jpg",800,522,true],"vp_xl_popup":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-1920x1253.jpg",1920,1253,true],"kalon-pro-recent-post":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-262x175.jpg",262,175,true],"kalon-pro-slider":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-1400x507.jpg",1400,507,true],"kalon-pro-without-sidebar":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-1170x460.jpg",1170,460,true],"kalon-pro-with-sidebar":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-848x461.jpg",848,461,true],"kalon-pro-schema":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-92x60.jpg",92,60,true],"woocommerce_thumbnail":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-300x300.jpg",300,300,true],"woocommerce_single":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-600x392.jpg",600,392,true],"woocommerce_gallery_thumbnail":["https:\/\/elaine.baby\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/smoking-woman-in-bathroom-lea-100x100.jpg",100,100,true]},"rttpg_author":{"display_name":"Fate Caudwell","author_link":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/?author=1"},"rttpg_comment":4,"rttpg_category":"Truth. Trust. It is the same.<\/a>","rttpg_excerpt":"There's a reason, there's a reason, there's a reason. My head throbs those words but I can't see it. How could you have left me alone with this horrible torrent of need so that I can muse that you wounded my knowledge of my possession by you so that, in bleeding, I would notice it…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1681","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1681"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1681\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1683,"href":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1681\/revisions\/1683"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1074"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1681"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1681"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elaine.baby\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1681"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}